Laughter in Sarnath

 Re-Animator.

Snow White.

The Necronomicon.

Sleeping Beauty.

What do these words have in common? Absolutely nothing… Until now.

Wanderer’s Haven has collected a bunch of Lovecraftian fairy tale mash-ups for your reading pleasure. While my short story was unfortunately not included in the initial roll-out of stories, you can still find it up on their website.

My gory little story Laughter in Sarnath takes its inspiration from Shadow over Innsmouth and all those fairy tales about trying to make a princess laugh. (Seriously. There’s a bunch of them.) I’m really happy with the ending of this one. I was aiming for a Tales from the Crypt vibe, and I think it delivers.

And reader beware: this one is really bloody.

That Ain’t Right

Are you ready for some more Lovecraft? I sure hope so, because the Old Ones are back to scare the crap out of you in this new casebook of spooky stories. Each addition (including my own) follows a mysterious, Lovecraftian event, mostly involving people slowly going insane. (You know the drill.) This isn’t my first time trekking through the mountains of madness, and it’s always a fun trip every time I come back. 

My Thailand Trip

Defenestration Magazine

I’ve finally been accepted into a comedy magazine! It’s been a while since I was featured in Cracked.com, and I was starting to give up hope that anyone would think that my writing was funny. Well… here I am, getting all published and stuff by Defenestration Magazine, one of the coolest humor mags around.

My story is about a girl whose relationship completely unravels once she realizes that her boyfriend smells exactly like her deceased grandmother. It’s Shakespearean.

Anyway, I hope you like it. It made me laugh, so hopefully you have a similar sense of humor. If not, well, what can I say? There’s probably a rerun of Big Bang Theory on TV right now. Go and watch that instead.

Children of Water

Just when you thought it was safe to go back on the blog…

 
It’s been a slow summer (playing around in Russia and all that), but I finally have something worthwhile to share… my new fantasy\horror anthology Elementals: Children of Water is fresh off the presses.

Each story in this collection is a spooky glimpse at what’s lurking just under the waves at your feet. It’ll make you think twice about your upcoming beach vacation. Or at the very least… it’ll be a great beach read while you laze around in the sun. Either way.

You can get it on Amazon. It’s a little expensive right now, but hopefully the price will drop soon. I hope you enjoy. I’m proud of my addition to the collection. It’s one of the nastier stories I’ve ever written. And that’s saying something!

Happy Birthday to ME!

Thanks to my amazing Russian coworkers, I had a surprise birthday party today!

Russian Facebook

If anyone is interested in contacting me, feel free to check out my VK account. VK is the Russian rip-off of Facebook. It’s exactly like Facebook (color scheme and all), except Putin is somehow watching everybody at all times.

Oh, and judging by news feed, people are able to post inappropriate pics, which is totally unlike real Facebook. (On real Facebook, they have computer system thingies that can tell the difference between nipples and elbows.)

Anyway, I’m not plugging VK because of that. I’m saying it’s a perfectly good tool to keep in touch with people. Specifically Russian people. Or me. So yeah, check it out.

Plus, I need more friends. So… there’s that.

Island on Fire

Last year, I wrote a romantic fantasy called Island on Fire. I was sick of reading about vampires and other pale guys who morph into wolves and stuff, so I decided to use a completely different fantasy world: Hawaiian mythology. Of course, a bunch of books have used Hawaiian creatures before, and tropical volcanoes will always be great settings for fiction, but I felt that Hawaiian mythology wasn’t nearly as overused as other legends.

My plan is to get this story released sometime next year. Nothing’s in place yet, but I really have high hopes for this one. It has an interesting conflict, and a really vivid setting.

But you can see for yourself. The first chapter is available on Harlequin’s website. Tell me what you think. Are you enjoying the characters as much as I enjoyed writing about them?

Donald Duck Island, Thailand

A New Western Serial Is Riding Your Way

Hey everyone! Big news! My dad has a brand new western mystery coming out through an online publisher called Mysterical-E. It’s a cliffhanger serial released in three parts, and the first part can be found here. It’s a little bit funny, a little bit exciting, and there are plenty of shoot-outs, horse chases, and secret experiments. Plus, it takes place in early Hollywood, so expect a lot of real stars with dangerous secrets.

Microwave Technology

Everybody has a microwave. It’s an important part of any kitchen, especially if you’re lazy and/or addicted to ramen noodles. But what did it feel like to be the first housewife to use a microwave? Did she understand how it worked? Did she worry about radiation?

I decided to write a horror story about an unhappy housewife (a desperate one, if you will) who doesn’t trust her new microwave. And when she starts hearing tapping noises from the other side of the glass, she starts to wonder if maybe this kitchen appliance is actually a doorway to somewhere else. Somewhere dark.

If that sounds interesting to you, check out my brand new story “Microwave Technology.” It’s part of a horror anthology with a bunch of creepy creatures and horrible happenings. Why don’t you curl up with a nice bag of microwave popcorn and prepare to be scared.

Bleeding Cool Shout-Out

Hey everyone! I got a nice shout-out in Bleeding Cool News. They wrote some pretty nice things about the Mythos Grimmly anthology that’s coming out later this year. Check out the article. And I’ll be sure to keep you posted about when this one is released.

WAKING UP… TO A FREE BOOK!

Hey everyone! You wanna win a free copy of my new romance? Of course you do. You’re a very cheap person! Don’t be ashamed. That’s why I like you!

Where was I? Oh, yeah… Free copy. Head on over to Harlequin Junkie and enter the contest today! Remember, my book is called Waking Up to Love, and it’s bundled together with some other awesome titles.

Good luck! I hope you win!

WAKING UP… TO A BRAND NEW ROMANCE NOVEL

Well, everyone! The day is finally here! My new romance novel Waking Up to Love is FINALLY available on Amazon as well as through Crimson Romance. This is my first ever romance story, and I’m pretty proud of it. I wanted to use all the usual romance tropes (comas, twins, mistaken identities, friends-to-lovers) in one big, soapy blend.

I won’t tell you any more of the details, except to say that there are also near-drownings, heated arguments, and a lot of romantic tension. Pick up your copy today!

Welcome to Amazon

I have an Amazon author page. Probably should’ve mentioned that earlier. You can see all my latest information there. Well, not ALL my information. It doesn’t have my social security number or my shoe size, but it does have a lot of my publication information.

It also has a couple photos of me that I random selected from my desktop because they were either A) not embarrassing, or B) embarrassing, but in an endearing way.

Check it out.

Facebook

Hello, internet. I try to keep this blog as up-to-date as possible. That can be a little difficult because

1) I live in Gansu Province, where internet connections go to die.

2) The Chinese government blocks Blogspot, so I have to work my non-existent internet magic.

And 3) I don’t have a third item. I just think that lists should come in threes.

The point is, I try to keep this blog updated, but I usually get bogged down by outside factors (i.e. bad internet connections… or sleep). But there is one website where I check at least once a day: Facebook. If you aren’t my Facebook friend yet, drop me a message. I don’t bite.

Unless provoked. Or unless you put your hand too close to my face before I’m able to properly smell you.

Anyway…

My Facebook name is Evan.Purcell1, not to be confused by the OTHER Evan Purcell on Facebook. Apparently, he’s a pretty well-respected bluegrass musician. We have never met.

Far Worlds

Earlier this year, I was lucky enough to be included in a pretty awesome sci-fi anthology called Far Worlds. The book collected stories with a bunch of different tones, and when I read it cover-to-cover, I realized that mine was the only overtly comedic of the bunch.

My story “Golden Planet” is a sci-fi spoof of the Emmy-winning sitcom Golden Girls. It takes place on a retirement planet, stuffed with aliens, pet squids, and a little bit of unexpected death. My protagonist Roze falls in love with a handsome stranger, and things spiral out of control. I won’t give anything away, except that I’m very proud of the very last sentence. It’s a nice, dark way to end the story.

I wrote the first draft during a single weekend, when I was also working on a horror story about a possessed jump rope that murdered people. Needless to say, both stories had pretty goofy premises, but “Golden Planet” didn’t take things seriously while “Double Dutch” did. (I called the other story “Double Dutch” because it’s about twins, one of whom is murdered by the jump rope. It’s Shakespearean, really.)

My point is… it was fun to bounce back and forth between the different styles. I usually don’t write two stories at the same time, but in this case, it kind of worked. There weren’t any pet squids in my horror story, and there were no possessed toys in my sci-fi story, but the two of them really fed into each other as I wrote them.

Once I finished both stories, though, things diverged. “Golden Planet” was quickly accepted by Far Worlds, and the version in print is very similar to my first draft. “Double Dutch,” however, was almost completely changed in the rewrite process. It’s coming out around Halloween (the details will be announced later), but the title is different, the characters are different, and… well, the jump rope is now a rubber snake. That’s what happens during the re-write process. Jump ropes turn into snakes and stories either stay the same or they morph into something completely new.

But back to “Golden Planet”… If you wanna check out the exploits of Roze, Dorox, and the gang, pick up a copy of Far Worlds. Also, visit the Far Worlds Facebook page for updates and information.

Enter Cthulhu!

H. P. Lovecraft was the man. I mean, he was kind of a hermit, and he wasn’t the best husband, and he was ridiculously racist… but his stories were creepy as hell. I’ve been a part of a couple Lovecraftian anthologies, mostly because I love writing about people who are caught up in circumstances they can’t quite understand, let alone control. The Cthulhu Mythos is a nasty, nasty world, and it’s so much fun to write for it.

One of my stories is in the brand new Stygian Abyss anthology through Miskatonic Press. My story is called “Letters from Camp.” I grew up on Goosebumps books, (bloggerbeware.com) and R. L. Stine had a knack for churning out creepy little stories about summer camps gone wrong.

Camp Nightmare (the one with the aliens training for an invasion of Earth).

Curse of Camp Cold Lake (the one with the kick-ass cover).

Horror at Camp Jellyjam (the one with the giant jam creature controlling everyone).

And a few more (mostly ghost related)

Anyway, I think I channeled a little R.L. when I wrote this story. I hope you like it.

And if you wanna check out the Facebook page for MiskatonicPress, please do so. They’re a brand new publisher, and they have big plans ahead.

Mythos Grimmly

What’s spookier than fairy tales? How about fairy tales mashed-up with Lovecraft. A Mythos Grimmly is an anthology that re-imagines classic fairy tales within the Cthulhu Mythos.

I wrote a particularly gnarly story for this book. I won’t tell you any of the details yet. You’ll have to wait until it gets released. But trust me, you won’t want to read this to your children before you kiss them goodnight.

Niteblade Magazine

I wrote another short story about a killer kid. I think it might be the scariest thing I’ve written. And this comes from a guy who wrote a sequel to Leprechaun in fourth grade. (For the record, that was the year Leprechaun: In Space came out, and I wanted to take him back to his roots. I believe I’ve revealed a lot about myself in the last two sentences.)

Niteblade Magazine is a supremely creepy little internet zine with a knack for choosing nasty little numbers for each issue. My story “Jonesy” is as nasty as it gets.

(And for anyone who wants to read my unsold screenplay to Leprechaun 5, sorry. I burned the only copy.)

LA Comedy Fest

Once upon a time (2012), I wrote a screenplay for a horror comedy called Beaver Madness. It was about a google-eyed beaver mascot who goes around murdering all the popular kids during homecoming week. It was really bloody, and I was going for a definite Heathers-vibe. Needless to say, it didn’t exactly set the world on fire.

(Here’s a sample scene: The marching band stumbles upon a recently murdered freshman. While they wait for the police, the conductor asks them to play a little “memorial music.” But since they don’t know any real funeral songs, they just play “Eye of the Tiger” really slowly.)

So despite being really tacky, Beaver Madness was a second-rounder at the Austin Film Festival and a finalist at the LA Comedy Fest in beautiful downtown Los Angeles. I didn’t get to go to Austin, but I definitely went to Los Angeles and holy crap was it a blast. I mean, I’d been to film festivals before, but never as an actual guest. I got to rub elbows with some pretty cool people. (Fun fact, Missi Pyle is super nice, and really tall.)

Beaver Madness didn’t win, unfortunately, but I wasn’t too depressed. I mean, is the world really ready for a movie where a hapless cheerleader gets killed by a volleyball net?

3-Day Novel Contest

The 3-Day Novel Contest is one of the coolest parts of my writing career. (It took a lot of effort not to put “career” in sarcastic quotation marks.) For those of you who’ve never heard about this awesome contest, it’s basically like running a marathon, just with way less physical exertion.

Every year on Labor Day Weekend, participants write a novel from scratch. They start at midnight on Friday and end at midnight on Monday. Within that time frame, you either finish a half-decent novel or give up in shame. Or option number three: type the same sentence over and over until your wife—played by a young Shelley Duvall—interrupts your writing process and starts screaming “You’re scaring me, Jack!” until you chase her through a hedge maze. It’s crazy-making; it really is.

Anyway, I’ve entered this contest for the last three years, and it’s been awesome. I wrote a haunted house book, a monster book, and (my favorite) a sci-fi fairy tale. Sadly, I wasn't able to enter the contest this year, because I was flying from Russia back to China. But I'm totally going to be entering it this year. And you should too! Go ahead. I dare ya. You’ll thank yourself. (The makers of Red Bull energy drinks will thank you, too.)

And not to toot my own horn or anything (in a blog that’s all about me), but remember that sci-fi fairy tale story from a few sentences back? Well, it was a top-ten finalist for the 2012 contest. It definitely had its problems, but I'm really proud of it, especially the written-in-three-days part. I’m still submitting it to different publishers, so keep your eyes open.

Haunted Zoo!

  

If you’re ever in LA and you have a free afternoon, go to the LA Zoo. And no, I’m not talking about the current zoo. I’m talking about the creepy, abandoned zoo that’s just a few minutes away from the current one. All the cages and enclosures are still standing, but everything is slightly overgrown, glass-strewn, and graffiti-covered.

  

Holy crap, this place was moody. I felt like I just walked into an episode of Scooby Doo. I went with some local friends (not imaginary), and we walked through the cages for a good couple hours. Unfortunately, you couldn’t hear the lonely screams of ghost bears, because there were tons of tourists wandering around. I think we saw three separate movie crews (UCLA students, probably) filming stuff in some of the more cinematic areas. Still, it was an awesome day. And I finally met my spirit animal.

  

She was a tortoise.