Sunday, July 1, 2018

Summer Reading Time

Happy summer, everybody! I have all of July free, so I'll be bopping around Bhutan as much as possible. Fingers crossed I get to go white-water rafting.

I'll also be reading. A lot. I spent half my paycheck on new paperbacks at the only bookstore in town. First stop: Duma Key by Stephen King. So far, it's a real page turner.

And speaking of page turners...


Still available. And it's even discounted this month if you buy from Smashwords.

Monday, April 23, 2018

The Great Mouse Detective


[crickets]

That's what I thought.

If you like cartoons and Sherlock Holmes, you're much better off watching Disney's 1986 classic The Great Mouse Detective. It's pretty wonderful, and it has (for my money) the best Disney villain in any film. This guy:


If it's been a while, here's a refresher: Basil of Baker Street is a mouse Sherlock who has to solve the mystery of a kidnapped inventor. On the way, he meets sexy saloon mice, a psychotic bat, and the mouse-queen of England. It's a blast.


I wrote a review on Film Table if you're interested. 

Sunday, April 22, 2018

Give Me Your Soul and I'll Give You a Pepperoni

   
My new horror short "Give Me Your Soul and I'll Give You a Pepperoni" is now live on Defiant Scribe! It's creepy and fun and just a little bit tasteless.
   
Basically, I wanted to write a Tales from the Crypt episode about first-graders. That's all I'll say. Check it out, boils and ghouls!

Deep Blue Sea 2: Not Good


The long awaited sequel to everyone's second favorite shark movie comes out today. I watched it instantly, because I'm a huge fan of the original. (Also, it's been a slow work day.)



Tuesday, April 17, 2018

Children of the Corn: Runaway


We all love the Children of the Corn films, right? Right?

Well, maybe it's just me. I get this crazy blast of nostalgia every time I watch one of these dumb, repetitive, trashy films. (The only one I don't actually enjoy is the original, which is so, so boring.)

Anyway, there's a new one that just came out, and it's pretty good. I did a write-up for it over on Film Table, which will help you decide whether or not this one is up your alley.


Thursday, April 12, 2018

Sunday, April 8, 2018

Flash Fiction Aficionado

Reading is fundamental. We all love reading, but sometimes, there’s just not enough time in the day to sit down and focus on some massive novel.
 
That’s why we have novellas, and short stories, and flash fiction.
   
I was lucky enough to be selected for the very first issue of Flash Fiction Aficionado, a quarterly magazine in ebook and print forms that features a variety of short-short stories from writers all over the world.
 
My story, “The Wife,” is an eerie snapshot of a haunted house told from the haunter’s perspective. It’s probably one of the melancholiest things I’ve written. And it’s also super short, which means there’s virtually no time commitment. Just head over to FFA, flip through the digital pages, and have a quickie scare.
 
It won’t take long. I’ll be waiting right here.

Friday, April 6, 2018

Film Table and My New Leprechaun Article

If you’ve met me in real life—even for an hour—you probably know that I love the Leprechaun movies more than virtually anything else in my life. More than chocolate. More than friends and family. Those six movies (minus the reboot) have given me literal months of enjoyment. No exaggeration.
   

   
Which is why I decided that my inaugural article for FilmTable, the exciting new pop culture site, would be all about Leprechaun. What better way to introduce myself to its readers than by waxing rhapsodic about that pogo stick murder scene from the first movie?
 
Also, in case you haven’t heard, Syfy Channel is taking a break from Sharknadoes to re-reboot the franchise with a new actor. (I have very mixed feelings, of course.)
 
That said, head on over to Film Table for some quality movie criticism. They sometimes cover movies other than Leprechaun. Sometimes.
  


Thursday, April 5, 2018

Blumhouse

I love horror movies. And I love when horror movie studios know what they're doing. For my generation, Blumhouse is making all the right choices. Insidious. The Conjuring. The Purge. Paranormal Activity. These guys are rewriting the rules of horror while still keeping things rooted in classic filmmaking craftsmanship. Let's all hope they keep it up.

Sunday, March 25, 2018

In Defense of Seed of Chucky


       
For me, the Child’s Play series is one of the most consistently enjoyable and inventive horror properties in Hollywood. (I'm SO EXCITED about the upcoming TV show. Anyway.) Not only does the series maintain a surprising level of consistence, but it also seems to reinvent itself in subtle (and not-so-subtle) ways each movie.

That said, most people consider 2004’s Seed of Chucky as the worst in the franchise. That is very, very wrong.

Over on Slickster, I’ve penned a passionate (some would say TOO passionate) defense of this underrated movie. Be warned, though: There will be a reference to puppet masturbation.

Saturday, March 17, 2018

Happy Saint Patrick's Day!


Happy holiday, everybody! I hope at least some of you have dug out your old VHS copy of Leprechaun and enjoyed a blast of gory, 90s nostalgia!

(I rewatched Leprechaun 3 and 4, which was a pretty solid double feature.)

I'd also like to take this opportunity to announce that I'll be a regular contributor to Film Table, a pretty awesome pop culture site that somehow allows me to be as random as possible with my movie reviews.

For my first feature, not surprisingly, I wrote an article about my favorite franchise. Check it out. 


Friday, March 16, 2018

Dummies and Mask-Wearing Crazy People

I have a couple new articles up this week. One is a friendly reevaluation of 2002's Halloween: Resurrection, which many view as a cinematic travesty. (I kind of like it.)

Another is a fun look at my students' brand new school play, a recreation of everyone's favorite film, Son of the Mask. The adaptation process has been... difficult.

And finally, I have a comedic rant about ventriloquist dummies. It's pretty epic.

Anyway, it's nice to stay productive.

Tuesday, March 13, 2018

My New Werewolf Story!

I have a brand new werewolf horror story from Hagstone Publishing!


I'm stoked. They're a very cool publisher, and I think they did a great job with one of my creepier offerings.

Sunday, March 11, 2018

Happily Destroyed: My Sci Fi Fairy Tale YA Mash-up


Welcome to THE HAPPILY, a paradise dimension where everyone is royalty… where every meal is a feast… where your loyal subjects burst into song at pre-scheduled intervals… where you can never, ever return.

Rose and her sisters live a life straight out of a fairy tale. Well, the crappy first-half of a fairy tale, anyway. They work and sweat and go about their days, always hoping that something terrible will happen. Maybe a troll will steal them away. Maybe a sorcerer will turn them to stone. Heck, maybe a beast will whisk them off to his dark, nasty castle. Wouldn’t that be great?

You see, if something bad happens, that means that someone will rescue them. And if someone rescues them, that means they just bought a one-way ticket to THE HAPPILY. Bing bang boom. Paradise.

Slowly, the sisters get into trouble. Slowly, they get rescued. Slowly, they achieve their happily ever after. That just leaves one sister: Rose. She’s too spunky and independent. She’ll never get rescued, which means she’ll never transition into THE HAPPILY. She’s stuck in the real world, with all the witches and ogres and dragons.

But what if she sneaks into THE HAPPILY? And what if she gets caught? Or worse, what if THE HAPPILY isn’t as great as everyone says? Well, there’s only one way to find out

Friday, March 9, 2018

Let's Get Political, Political


scandal, satire, trump, leftist
   
As a nation, we can all agree that HillaryClinton is the source of all our current problems. School shootings, Russian collusion, spousal abuse in the White House, a 2 trillion dollar deficit, the continuing threat of nuclear war… It can all be traced back to Hillary Clinton, a woman who is somehow the most powerful and corrupt person in the world, even though she didn’t win the election.
    

Thursday, March 1, 2018

Tales from the Crypt: My Thoughts


horror, anthology, evan purcell
   
I love Tales from the Crypt more than pretty much any other show from my childhood (give or take a Buffy). This horror anthology series is insanely rewatchable, and even the bad episodes at least have a bit of gore or nudity (or both, simultaneously) to keep you coming back for more. Even the shitty puns circle back around from groan-worthy to funny just through repetition.
     
For a while there, it looked like M. Night Shyamalan was going to remake the series for a new generation. I was all on-board. Both Tales and Shyamalan love their twist endings. They’re also both wildly inconsistent, which I consider a good thing. I love when people (and shows) aren’t afraid to swing for the fences every time, even when they fail just as much as they succeed.
    
Unfortunately, it looks like the reboot isn’t going to happen. I’ve written a post-mortem for the would-be series over on Slickster. Check it out.

Tuesday, February 27, 2018

Tacky Alert!


satire, points in case
    

Thanks to Points in Case, I’ve written comedy articles about racism, sexism, corruption, crime, elder abuse, and a host of other serious issues. I’ve skirted the line between tasteful and offensive many times.

But I can say with confidence that my latest article is hands-down the tackiest thing I’ve ever written. I won’t give you the title. You’ll have to check it out for yourself.

But you’ve been warned.

Friday, February 23, 2018

Thursday, February 15, 2018

Gun Control


           
The title of my latest satire is “Someone Is Murdering My Neighbors… So I’ll Send Them My Thoughts and Prayers.” I wrote it after our last national tragedy, and I was afraid it would seem like old news when it finally reached publication.

Unfortunately, it does not seem like old news. Because we live in America.

I’m not going to say anything else.

Tuesday, January 30, 2018

Skater Boy

evan purcell, comedy

Do you skate? Are you in junior high school? Do you cringe at the memories of when you were a skater in junior high school?

Well, check out my latest comedy article, which should hopefully make you cringe just a little bit. That’s the goal, anyway.

Saturday, January 20, 2018

How to Be a Paranormal Investigator


evan purcell, comedy, satire

I don’t know about you, but I cannot stand those ghost-hunting reality TV shows. Like pretty much every other reality subgenre, these shows follow a very strict template. So strict, in fact, that every episode is exactly the same.

Every time I watch Ghost Hunters, my belief in the existence of the supernatural diminishes just a bit more. If ghosts were real (which they aren’t), they’d deserve better than this.

Anyway, my latest comedy article in Points in Case is a step-by-step take-down of the genre. It’s a fun read.

Wednesday, December 27, 2017

You're Not Special!!!!!

  
It's finally here! My very first picture book is now available on Amazon
   
You're Not Special is a watercolor-illustrated picture book that talks directly to its readers, telling them that it's okay to be normal. Living in a post-millennial, everybody-gets-a-trophy world, I feel like this story is of vital importance to the next generation.
   
It's also pretty funny.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Friday the 13th

Okay. So it's Friday, but it's not quite the 13th anymore. Still, if you're in the mood for something spooky, check out my article spoofing the truly wonderful Friday the 13th sequels of the 80s and 90s. If you're not a horror fan, you might not get all the jokes, but give it a try anyway. It doesn't look like we're getting another Friday sequel for a long, long time, so a snarky online article is probably the next best thing.
   

Thursday, December 21, 2017

Grandma Jokes

My second supremely tacky article for Ego Baby Magazine is out now! This one is called "My 102-Year-Old Grandma Is Really Good at Meditation." From the title, you can probably guess how this one ends. Check it out. It's pretty offensive! (But in a good way. At least that's what I tell myself.)


Tuesday, December 19, 2017

Cartoon Ghosts

EgoBaby Magazine is a very strange publication. It's a comedy site that focuses on spirituality and new age topics. It's also quite funny.

My first featured article is a supremely tacky and culturally insensitive look at Casper the Friendly Ghost. It's probably best if you don't read it. You will probably be offended. But if you do read it, don't say I didn't warn you!


Friday, December 15, 2017

My New Art Blog

   
For those who don't know, I also draw. A lot. So much, in fact, that I wanted to start a weekly art blog. Check it out HERE.

Thursday, December 14, 2017

Christmas Movie Time!

'Tis the season to watch some brain-numbing holiday entertainment. Maybe some Home Alone. Perhaps something with the Muppets. Maybe one of those Rankin/Bass stop-motion numbers.

If you need some help, though, check out my list of the nine best holiday movies to watch with your family. You'll thank me in the morning.


Tuesday, December 12, 2017

Oh, Look! Dancing, Naked Monks!

A few weeks ago, I experienced the world famous Naked Monk Dance, which happens every year right in my valley. It's a truly one-of-a-kind festival. It's also pretty much exactly what you'd expect from the name.

Head on over to Indie Travel Podcast to check out my complete rundown of the experience, including tips and tricks to make your trip as fun as possible. (Spoiler alert: Do NOT take pictures.)


Friday, December 8, 2017

The Worst Werewolf Movies

Have you ever seen Joe Dante's The Howling? It's great, right?

Well, have you ever seen any of its sequels? They are not great. Trust me. From exploding dwarf eyeballs to spooky line-dancing, there's a whole bunch of terrible packed into that franchise. Don't trust me? Then check out my comprehensive guide to The Howling sequels.