Vroom... Vroom...

Hello, friends and Romans. Just a friendly reminder that my romance novel Rev Your Engines has driven into Amazon and is waiting for more readers to hop on and cruise into the sunset.

Oscar Night

 
So the Oscars are today! There's been a lot of (totally justified) complaints about the lack of diversity in this year's nominees, with movies like Straight Outta Compton, Creed, Tangerine, and Carol getting some major snubs because of a voting block that always prefers to err on the side of Driving Miss Daisy.

But what this narrative completely overlooks is that the 2016 list of nominees is perhaps the strongest group of Oscar movies since the best picture list was expanded in 2010. In other words, there's absolutely no Blind Side, no Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close in the bunch! And that, my friends, is definite room for celebration. All of these movies are good, and some of them are great.

This is honestly the first year in my memory where I won't be disappointed if any of the nominated films wins Best Picture. Of course, in a perfect world, Mad Max would win everything it's nominated for, or (barring that) at least Spotlight (the second best movie of the bunch).

I have a creeping suspicion that The Revenant will have a very good run tonight, which is only disappointing in comparison to all the other, slightly worthier movies in the running. Either way, I'd be perfectly happy to live in a world where the Oscar for best picture goes to a movie about a guy who crawls inside a dead horse so he won't freeze to death. Why not?

So I'll be satisfied with whatever happens tonight... Unless, of course, Inside Out loses the best cartoon award, in which case I'll never forgive myself for this blind optimism. But that won't happen.

Anyway, I hope you all enjoy the awards, too. And in the meantime, you can check out some of my latest movie reviews over at Slickster Magazine. We have:

Kung Fu Panda 3: The Repetition
"if you're a fan of the first film, just watch that instead"

The Visit
"at least as good as Signs or The Village"

Hail, Caesar!
"a disappointing Coen Brothers movie that happens to have some of the best scenes they've ever done"

Pride and Prejudice and Zombies
"the idea is better than the execution"

None of these movies are horrible, so check them out if you're at all interested. But whatever you do, don't watch this movie:

Ugh.

Night Walkers Be Walkin' the Night

So apparently I'm a "new master of the dark," whatever that means. Aside from the slight hyperbole of the cover, this anthology is pretty cool. My short story is called "Fat Guy on the Bus" and it is probably the most experimental thing I've ever written. Despite the cover image, it does not involve wolves. Or coyotes.

But you should check it out anyway. Trust me. I'm a New Master of the Dark (tm).

Evan's Adventures in an African Literary Journal

   

So I've been published in a lot of random places (Australian horror magazines, H.P. Lovecraft collections, red hot romance publications...), but now I can check off an item on my bucket list that I didn't even know was there:

Publication in a Nigerian literary magazine.

You read that right. My slightly tragic, slightly political, slightly bugnuts short story "Green and Yellow, Red and Blue" is now a featured story in Sub-Saharan Magazine, The Nigerian Magazine of Fantasy and Science Fiction. My story is more fantasy than sci-fi, and actually more horror than fantasy, but it's very much written from the perspective of someone who's living and working in Africa.
  

  
For those of you who don't know, I've been in Zanzibar, Tanzania, for half a year now, and it is the coolest, craziest, most exciting experience of my life. (And I've been to Dracula's Castle!) Hopefully, just a little of that cool, crazy excitement comes across in my story (which is free to the public, soooo... No excuses.)

Check it out. And feel free to comment. I know this is a boring, ol' website, but I would like to hear from some of you reading this.
   

Killer Toys

 
New anthology alert!

Okay, so there's a horror collection through Thirteen O'Clock Press (the guys behind Arachnophobia and One Hell of a Christmas) that's all about a toybox full of killer toys. When I heard about the premise, I knew that I just had to be involved. I mean... Chucky is my spirit animal. I love anything related to killer toys.

To give some variety to the anthology, each writer cooked up a story about a different killer play thing. Teddy bears. Jack-in-the-Box clown heads. All that stuff. So take a wild guess which toy I chose for my very special, very spooky entry...

Silly Putty? Nope.

Stretch Armstrong? Sorry. Try again.

A Yack Pack? No. I don't even know what that is.

You guys! It's a rubber snake! I wrote a scary story about a rubber snake. And let me assure you, this story is not at all what you expect. Don't trust me? Check it out for yourself. I'm not playin' around.

Dirty Hours

I saw this movie. It was not very good. Please read my review, so that you don't have to watch it.

I also saw this movie. It was... something. You should read my review of this one, because... eek.

The Final Girls

Let me tell you a little bit about my favorite movie of the last six months: The Final Girls.

I have some majorly conflicted feelings about this film, because A) it's my favorite film of the last six months, and B) I think it really squanders what I feel is one of the coolest premises in meta-horror cinema.

For those who haven't checked it out yet, here's the deal: A group of modern teenagers are at an old cinema, and they get sucked into an 80s slasher film. They have to survive till the end of the "movie," but they also have to interact with the movie characters, who somehow develop deeper personalities just by being exposed to the real world.

This seems like the perfect set-up for a lot of self-referential humor and winks at the camera. It does have a bunch of that, of course (the use of black-and-white flashbacks is genius), but it becomes obvious pretty quickly that the movie cares much more about the emotional stuff than the comedic stuff. More importantly, though, it cares more about the emotional stuff than the horror stuff, and that is what leaves me conflicted.

On the one hand, I love this movie. It made me cry. On the other hand, though, I can't tell you how much I'd love to watch a version of this movie that...
set a more authentic 80s tone...
that didn't treat the murders as an afterthought...
and that actually tried to by scary once in a while.

In my mind, this movie is R-rated. It embraces the sub-genre. It doesn't forget the horror part of "horror-comedy." This version of the movie, however, was not made. The actual finished result is much sweeter, and prettier, and more cathartic. And there's absolutely nothing wrong with that. It just wasn't what I had hoped when I heard the premise.

But like I said, The Final Girls is great. Check out my review to see exactly how much I liked it. But just remember: in a perfect world, there are two versions of this film. One has more decapitations.

January Reviews

If you want to check out a few more of my reviews on Slickster...

Here's one for The Revenant, the eight-hour-long movie about the guy who gets mauled by a bear and has to crawl across 200 miles of snow-covered wilderness. It's a laugh riot, in other words.
        

            
I also have one up for the new Michael Bay actioner 13 Hours. It was one of my favorite reviews to write, because it helped me process some weird, pent-up stuff about all the Michael Bay movies I've already seen.
      

             
Finally, I checked out Ride Along 2, which is... a movie.
     

   
Anyway, this is January, people, so there's going to be a strange mixture of good and bad stuff at the multiplex.Without spoiling my reviews, I will say that only one of the three is a genuinely good movie, and it's also the only one of the three that I will never, ever watch again.

NEW NOVEL ALERT!

I know it's been a while, but my latest romance is finally coming to a store (and an Amazon search page) near you! This one is very special to me, because the main characters criss-cross through the American southwest, riding through some of my favorite towns along Route 66. I haven't lived in America for a long time now, and I really wanted to use this story to reconnect with my culture a little bit.

As you can see from the publisher page, this one starts with the playboy son of a CEO and his ice queen of an employee, mashes them together in a company-mandated road trip, and then watches as the tension rises and the sparks fly. I'm very excited to hear your opinions. It was a blast to write, and I hope it'll be a blast to read, too.

For this book, I've joined forces with Satin Romance, one of the most author-friendly romance publishers out there. Unlike a lot of other publishers, they don't have a strict house style, instead letting their writers maintain their unique voices. I really feel like my voice comes through in this one, and I hope you do, too! Please check out some of the other awesome titles through Satin, as I'm sure you'll find something steamy or sweet or exciting or suspenseful or anything else you want!

Most importantly, though, mark your calendars for January 30, when Rev Your Engines roars into a bookstore near you!

Concussion

I'm not sure if you're aware, but I'm totally a movie reviewer now. It's crazy. I had no idea this would be part of my career path. I mean, I love movies, and I love writing, and I love telling people how I feel about stuff. But the idea that I'd be a real film critic... it honestly never crossed my mind.

Well, here I am, and I just reviewed the new Will Smith movie Concussion. It's a real story about violent head trauma starring one of the most charismatic actors in the world and it's... not at all what I expected. Did I love it? Did I hate it? Did I want to ram my own head against the wall until the movie stopped?

You'll just have to read the review to find out...

The Hateful Eight

Have you seen the new Tarantino movie yet? Not sure if it's right for you? Well, my friends, check out my brand new review of Hateful Eight to help you make this important life decision...

Is the latest from cinema's craziest mash-up artist a little too talky? A little too violent? A little too both? Well, you'll have to check out my review to find out...

Oh Little Town of DEATHlehem...

Hey guys! It's still winter, so it's not too late to check out my latest Christmas-themed horror story in Deathlehem Revisited, a brand new anthology that is definitely going to deck your halls... and roast your chestnuts... and jingle your bells... aaaand that's all I got. It's scary. Trust me.

And money from this book is going straight to the Elizabeth Glaser Pediatric AIDS Foundation! So I don't feel guilty giving anyone nightmares!

Movie Review

I'm a movie reviewer now! Check out my first (mainly positive) review for The Big Short. It's part of the movie section for Slickster Magazine, an awesome new website that has funny articles, insightful reviews, and beautiful women. Expect more to come!

The importance of flossing.

Halloween Night: Trick or Treat

Graveyards, spirits, witchcraft, black cats, candy, and haunted houses.

Strange things happen on Halloween. All Hallows Eve is the single night where the veil between the living and the dead is opened. And now spirits, monsters, and candy will collide!

 

Seventeen authors and illustrators set out on a horrific journey to set the record straight. What really happens on Halloween night? Trick or Treating is not all fun and games. There are more tricks than treats scattered through these pages. Sure, All Hallows eve can be a scream. But sometimes, it’s straight-up murder.

Halloween Night: Trick-or-Treat is a middle grade and young adult horror anthology that falls on Halloween night. And right now, it's only 99 cents! You can be terrified for less than a dollar!

Read if you dare! You're in for a scare!

James Bond Island

Thailand, 2014

Golden Girls... IN SPACE!

Golden Girls spoof. With aliens. Pet squids. Surprise explosions. Nuff said.

GOAT SELFIE IN THE RUSSIAN WILDERNESS

Life in Zanzibar

I am really enjoying the beach life.

My new album cover... If I ever do a CD of Irish folk songs.

Someone in the distance is doing a flip. I did not notice that at the time.

These Vampires Don`t Sparkle

 

Attention, vampire fans! Here’s a new anthology just for you. Beware, though. It’s a little intense…

Zanzibar!

Hello, everyone! It's been a long time since I updated this website, and I have some exciting news: I just moved to Zanzibar! I've been here three days now, and the place is absolutely amazing. I'll be sure to post more pictures once the wifi situation gets sorted.

In the meantime... ZANZIBAR!!!

The Ripple Effect: a new anthology

A butterfly flaps its wings in New York, and then there’s a storm in Florida. Or something like that.

The Butterfly Effect is one of those things that Ian Malcolm kept rambling about in the first Jurassic Park movie. It’s also, fun fact, the topic of this new anthology. My story, tucked away in the middle of this gruesome collection of tales, is a particular treat. I really like how this one turned out. I made pretty good use of a hospital vending machine, some lightning, and a whole bunch of murder. I hope that piques your interest.

Disclaimer: This one is not yet on Amazon, so you’ll have to order a copy at Kobo Books. It’s a little expensive, but they periodically have sales on the website. I’ll keep you posted.

Hanging on a rooftop in St. Pete

Superheroes! Monsters! Help!

It’s a bird!

It’s a plane!

It’s a… horrible space mutant oozing with acid spit and comet juices!

I am proud to announce that my short story Cold Fingers has been included in a brand new anthology that’s all about superheroes fighting monsters.

Yes, you read that correctly. Superheroes. And monsters.

Chocolate and peanut butter.

Harold and Kumar.

Two great tastes and all that. You can check it out on Amazon right now. My story takes place in Hawaii, so consider it a dry run for my upcoming paranormal romance novel that also takes place in the 50th state.

But that’s still a secret. Pretend I didn’t say anything…

And check out the anthology. It’s wall-to-wall action from some very talented writers.

FOUND FOOTAGE

 
Paranormal Activity.

The Blair Witch Project.

[Rec.]

What do these films have in common? I mean, aside from horrible sequels.

These are part of the new wave of found footage horror films. Lure some good-looking people into a dimly lit environment, give them discount camera equipment, and then sit back and watch the carnage.

In the last few years, cinemas have been flooded with these films (for better or worse), and it’s about time that bookstores join the party.

That’s right! I’m here to announce a new found footage anthology book. Each story within these blood-spattered pages uses the same found footage gimmick. Only this time, we’re using post-it notes, letters, emails, pamphlets, and anything in-between. It’s a really cool reading experience.

Scary, too.

RUSSIA! Look what you do to me!

(upside down house)

Midnight Echo

 
Shiny, red noses. Painted faces. Dead eyes. There’s something wrong with this clown, and no one will believe me! He wants our children! He wants them! And no one else can see him but me!

Please check out my new horror story in the brand new, comeback issue of Midnight Echo, Australia’s awesome horror magazine! I’ve heard some really exciting things about this collection, and I cannot wait for you guys to read it!

My story is about scary clowns, if that’s your kind of thing. But this magazine has a little something for everyone, so pick up a copy today. You don’t have to be an Australian (although I wish you were Australian. Seriously. Those guys are the best.)

Arachnophobia

 
They have eight legs; red, segmented eyes; frothy mandibles; and enough poison to take down an elephant. They are spiders, the deadliest on earth, and they’ve taken over a new horror anthology. 

This one isn’t on Amazon yet, so you’ll have to order your copy on Lulu.

If you don’t, they`re coming for you… crawling through the air conditioning vents, hiding in your carpet, quietly creeping up your leg…

God, I love spiders.

 

Flash Fiction Update

 

There’s something pure and squicky about horror flash fiction. You read one story in a couple minutes, and hopefully it creeps you out for the day. Tales from the Blue Gonk Café is a massive collection of these stories.

My addition is called Nana, and it’s about the loving bond between grandparents and grandchildren. It’s also terrifying. Enjoy!

Malice. Just Malice.

My horror short "Volcano" is a gnarly little number about a science project gone wrong. It's pretty dark.