Happily Destroyed: My Sci Fi Fairy Tale YA Mash-up

Welcome to THE HAPPILY, a paradise dimension where everyone is royalty… where every meal is a feast… where your loyal subjects burst into song at pre-scheduled intervals… where you can never, ever return.

Rose and her sisters live a life straight out of a fairy tale. Well, the crappy first-half of a fairy tale, anyway. They work and sweat and go about their days, always hoping that something terrible will happen. Maybe a troll will steal them away. Maybe a sorcerer will turn them to stone. Heck, maybe a beast will whisk them off to his dark, nasty castle. Wouldn’t that be great?

You see, if something bad happens, that means that someone will rescue them. And if someone rescues them, that means they just bought a one-way ticket to THE HAPPILY. Bing bang boom. Paradise.

Slowly, the sisters get into trouble. Slowly, they get rescued. Slowly, they achieve their happily ever after. That just leaves one sister: Rose. She’s too spunky and independent. She’ll never get rescued, which means she’ll never transition into THE HAPPILY. She’s stuck in the real world, with all the witches and ogres and dragons.

But what if she sneaks into THE HAPPILY? And what if she gets caught? Or worse, what if THE HAPPILY isn’t as great as everyone says? Well, there’s only one way to find out…

Let's Get Political, Political

   

As a nation, we can all agree that HillaryClinton is the source of all our current problems. School shootings, Russian collusion, spousal abuse in the White House, a 2 trillion dollar deficit, the continuing threat of nuclear war… It can all be traced back to Hillary Clinton, a woman who is somehow the most powerful and corrupt person in the world, even though she didn’t win the election.

    

It’s a crazy world we live in, huh?

Tales from the Crypt: My Thoughts

   

I love Tales from the Crypt more than pretty much any other show from my childhood (give or take a Buffy). This horror anthology series is insanely rewatchable, and even the bad episodes at least have a bit of gore or nudity (or both, simultaneously) to keep you coming back for more. Even the shitty puns circle back around from groan-worthy to funny just through repetition.

     

For a while there, it looked like M. Night Shyamalan was going to remake the series for a new generation. I was all on-board. Both Tales and Shyamalan love their twist endings. They’re also both wildly inconsistent, which I consider a good thing. I love when people (and shows) aren’t afraid to swing for the fences every time, even when they fail just as much as they succeed.

    

Unfortunately, it looks like the reboot isn’t going to happen. I’ve written a post-mortem for the would-be series over on Slickster. Check it out.

Tacky Alert!

    

Thanks to Points in Case, I’ve written comedy articles about racism, sexism, corruption, crime, elder abuse, and a host of other serious issues. I’ve skirted the line between tasteful and offensive many times.

But I can say with confidence that my latest article is hands-down the tackiest thing I’ve ever written. I won’t give you the title. You’ll have to check it out for yourself.

But you’ve been warned.

The Stage Version of "Son of the Mask"

My drama students want to recreate THIS MOVIE and I have no idea what to do...

Gun Control

           

The title of my latest satire is “Someone Is Murdering My Neighbors… So I’ll Send Them My Thoughts and Prayers.” I wrote it after our last national tragedy, and I was afraid it would seem like old news when it finally reached publication.

Unfortunately, it does not seem like old news. Because we live in America.

I’m not going to say anything else.

Skater Boy

Do you skate? Are you in junior high school? Do you cringe at the memories of when you were a skater in junior high school?

Well, check out my latest comedy article, which should hopefully make you cringe just a little bit. That’s the goal, anyway.

How to Be a Paranormal Investigator

I don’t know about you, but I cannot stand those ghost-hunting reality TV shows. Like pretty much every other reality subgenre, these shows follow a very strict template. So strict, in fact, that every episode is exactly the same.

Every time I watch Ghost Hunters, my belief in the existence of the supernatural diminishes just a bit more. If ghosts were real (which they aren’t), they’d deserve better than this.

Anyway, my latest comedy article in Points in Case is a step-by-step take-down of the genre. It’s a fun read.

You're Not Special!!!!!

  

It's finally here! My very first picture book is now available on Amazon! 

   

You're Not Special is a watercolor-illustrated picture book that talks directly to its readers, telling them that it's okay to be normal. Living in a post-millennial, everybody-gets-a-trophy world, I feel like this story is of vital importance to the next generation.

   

It's also pretty funny.

Friday the 13th

Okay. So it's Friday, but it's not quite the 13th anymore. Still, if you're in the mood for something spooky, check out my article spoofing the truly wonderful Friday the 13th sequels of the 80s and 90s. If you're not a horror fan, you might not get all the jokes, but give it a try anyway. It doesn't look like we're getting another Friday sequel for a long, long time, so a snarky online article is probably the next best thing.
   

Grandma Jokes

My second supremely tacky article for Ego Baby Magazine is out now! This one is called "My 102-Year-Old Grandma Is Really Good at Meditation." From the title, you can probably guess how this one ends. Check it out. It's pretty offensive! (But in a good way. At least that's what I tell myself.)

Cartoon Ghosts

EgoBaby Magazine is a very strange publication. It's a comedy site that focuses on spirituality and new age topics. It's also quite funny.

My first featured article is a supremely tacky and culturally insensitive look at Casper the Friendly Ghost. It's probably best if you don't read it. You will probably be offended. But if you do read it, don't say I didn't warn you!

My New Art Blog

   

For those who don't know, I also draw. A lot. So much, in fact, that I wanted to start a weekly art blog. Check it out HERE.

Christmas Movie Time!

'Tis the season to watch some brain-numbing holiday entertainment. Maybe some Home Alone. Perhaps something with the Muppets. Maybe one of those Rankin/Bass stop-motion numbers.

If you need some help, though, check out my list of the nine best holiday movies to watch with your family. You'll thank me in the morning.

Oh, Look! Dancing, Naked Monks!

A few weeks ago, I experienced the world famous Naked Monk Dance, which happens every year right in my valley. It's a truly one-of-a-kind festival. It's also pretty much exactly what you'd expect from the name.

Head on over to Indie Travel Podcast to check out my complete rundown of the experience, including tips and tricks to make your trip as fun as possible. (Spoiler alert: Do NOT take pictures.)

The Worst Werewolf Movies

Have you ever seen Joe Dante's The Howling? It's great, right?

Well, have you ever seen any of its sequels? They are not great. Trust me. From exploding dwarf eyeballs to spooky line-dancing, there's a whole bunch of terrible packed into that franchise. Don't trust me? Then check out my comprehensive guide to The Howling sequels.

Happy Death Day!

Another month, another horror movie review. This time, I saw the (quite good) horror-comedy  Happy Death Day. Anyone who has seen Groundhog Day (or, more accurately, The Deaths of Ian Stone) will notice a lot of familiar ideas told in surprising new ways.
 

 
After watching the film, I was honestly conflicted. And I think my mixed feelings come across in the review, which is a bit more soul-searchy than my usual. Check it out.

BOOM! Apocalypse!

The world is ending! The world is ending!

The NIGHT Is Here!

This is it, everybody! The big day!

After all the support I've gotten the last few days, the book is finally ready for download.

One Night in Zanzibar is available wherever you download ebooks in whichever country you currently reside. It's everywhere!

And if you like it, please check out the other books in the City Nights series. Some are more action-packed. Some are more explicit. But all of them have the sort of steamy, tension-filled romances with plenty of twists and turns on the way to the happily ever afters.

Monkeys Everywhere!

Do you want to hear the story of my trip to Jozani National Park in Zanzibar? Do you want to know about the time a monkey jumped on my shoulder and totally freaked me out? You do?

Well, check out Responsibly Irresponsible for the whole primate saga.

And if you still want to read more about Zanzibar, the new book comes out in five days!!!!

Happy Happy Turkey Day!

Happy Thanksgiving!

Enjoy the family! Don't get too political!

Memories from a Zanzibar Thanksgiving.

I've been to Africa. Did you know that?

POINTS IN CASE

Want a bit more comedy in your life? 

    

Then head over to PiC for another snarky article. This one is all about my time in Africa, which was totally real and not at all made up.

    

And if you want to read my BOOK about Africa, you can do that, too. Just saying.

Good times.

One Week to Zanzibar

The clock is ticking! One Night in Zanzibar comes out in one week! That means you have exactly seven days to preorder the ebook for only 99 cents. After that, it’ll be available at its regular price of $2.99.

   

How am I feeling right now? Excited. Nervous. A bit curious. This is my first erotic romance, and I’m waiting to see how my readers react.

 

I’m also very grateful to everyone at Tirgearr. Out of all the publishers I’ve worked with, these ladies were the most hands-on (and the most unceasingly positive). Once the clock strikes midnight on November 29, though, the book is out of our hands and into yours.

  

Finding Happiness and Creativity

Zanzibar is my favorite place in the world. I lived there for two years and had the time of my life. I've been grabbed by monkeys, stung by some jelly thing, gotten more sunburns that humanly possible, and met some of the coolest people in the world.

   

You should visit. Right now, actually. Go there right now. You won't regret it.

   

  

If you're still hesitant,  though, check out my guest article on Happiness-Creativity-&-Kindness to see the many reasons why Zanzibar is such a cool place to visit. (Spoiler alert: I only scratched the surface of all the big reasons you should go.)

   

And if you're still-STILL not convinced, there's always my new book, One Night in Zanzibar, which comes out in exactly one week. Just saying...

Creepy Kids... Another Horror Short

"My dog died in the morning. I cried, but Mom cried more than me."
   
That's the beginning of my horror short "Jonesy," a tale of violence and danger told from the point of view of a very peculiar child.
 

 
I just found out that this story is now up on Uprising Review. Check it out (for free).
 
And if this story sounds familiar to you, it's an updated version of my very first published story, which was accepted by the late, great Niteblade Magazine many moons ago.
 
I had a blast revisiting and updating the story, and I'm really excited to share it with you guys!

How to Survive a Russian Summer

        

Mushroom picking. Surprise goats. Tiny Russian children reenacting Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2: The Secret of the Ooze.

    

I had some truly awesome experiences in Russia, and I was lucky enough to do a guest post for Privet-Russia to talk about my experiences there. Spoiler alert: it was insanely stressful, and also one of the coolest jobs I’ve ever had.

    

Hop on over to Privet-Russia for a bunch of other articles about travel in Russia. It’s a fun site with tons of helpful tips.

City Nights

     

As many of you know, my new ebook is part of the long-running City Nights series from Tirgearr Publishing. Each book in the series centers on a single, fast-paced romance in a different international city. Everywhere from Budapest to Boston is represented. And, by the end of this month, you can add Zanzibar to the list.
 
It's been a real pleasure to be a part of this series, because it combines two of my favorite things (traveling and romance), but it does so with a lot more variety than you'd expect.
 
You want some stranded-in-a-storm sexual tension? Go to Cape Town.
 
You want some love with a side of murder mystery? Drive to Boise.
 
And if you want some bachelor/bachelorette party shenanigans that go totally out of hand? Fly over to Amsterdam.
 

 

   
There are 32 books in the series, soon to be 33, and I love how each one is a totally different take on some classic romance tropes.
 
So how does mine fit into the rest of the series? First of all, Zanzibar offers a unique blend of tropical and urban. The story extends from a secluded beach to a bustling maze of city streets. Most importantly, though, it captures a real sense of running-for-your-life danger at every turn.
 
You'll see what I mean when it comes out on November 29.
   

Craigslist Ad

Wanted: A Young, Female Assistant for Totally Normal Stuff

This is perhaps the darkest comedy article I've ever written (give or take a "wounded grandma" story). The point is, Craigslist is pretty creepy, is all I'm saying.

And as always, don't be offended. Or, if you are offended, email me and I'll get back to you with a nice, passive-aggressive response.

POINTS IN CASE

Introducing... One Night in Zanzibar!

On the run and fearing for her life, Lucy finds herself on Zanzibar, a small bit of paradise off the coast of Tanzania. She isn't worried about romance, only protection. But when she meets a mysterious local, she gives in to the siren's call of the island.
   

For one unforgettable night, Lucy experiences all the passion and excitement that she's been hiding from. This stranger, though, is more than he seems, and soon Lucy's troubled past will catch up with her.

 

    

That’s the big hook for One Night in Zanzibar, my brand new erotic romance from Tirgearr Press. In this book, I’ve mixed a bit of romance and a bit of adventure into a setting that is near and dear to my heart. For anyone who’s been to the East African island, there are plenty of places that you’ll find familiar.

   

Probably my favorite scene in the book takes place on the tiny sandbank just off the coast of Stone Town. It’s a great setting for when things really start to heat up, and it’s also the site for some of my all-time favorite memories from back when I lived in Zanzibar. 

   

So what exactly happens on the sandbank. I guess you’ll have to download the ebook and find out!

Join the Cult!

Do you love Chucky as much as I do? Probably not. I have this weird obsession with the red-haired killer doll. Maybe he reminds me of my childhood self. Who knows?
   

 
The point is, the Child's Play franchise is such a fun time at the movies, and the newest installment (Cult of Chucky) is one of the best. It takes the series in a new direction while paying tribute to the previous six movies. It's a blast. (And the death scenes... really memorable.)
 
If you're interested in checking the new movie out, I've written a primer for the previous movies in the series. Just read this short article over at Horror Homeroom, and you'll be all caught up and ready to join the Cult.